Fashion Killings

This morning afternoon as I ambled down my local street perving on all the hipster young men and ladies who were out catching some daylight and unexpected sunshine along with me, I remembered a girl I had seen the night before. A girl that had filled me with such hatred that I had contemplated declaring myself a Fashion Policeperson and forcing her to remove the offending articles right away

The offending outfit involved a dark blue windsheeter or jumper or fleecie garment of a soft nature, whatever and on it was embroided a clown holding some balloons. Observe:



Yeah, I'd look sad too if I had that on me.

Clearly the above picture in no way conveys the true hideousness of the outfit since the girl last night had chosen to pair it with some awful high pants that gave her saddlebags. In short, she looked like the mothers who used to pick up the other girls from ballet when I was 8.

I am ok with people looking stupid for fashion. At times I'm sure I look incredibly stupid myself. Everyday I try to resign myself just a little bit more to the come back of shorts-with-braces and romper suits for 20 year olds. I am... comfortable... with these images, just:



I mean, I don't know why the girl above wanted to wear a bib-dress over a white t-shirt, maybe she didn't get enough of shit like that the first time round in the 90's, maybe she's subverting the dominant paradigm by doing it in velvet, who am I to judge?

The other day, while out shopping with my friend Hotness, we noted the rise in the enormo-tshirt, 80's revival style. I had an enormo t-shirt of my very own, back in the day. It was pink with black writing and said "summer fun". I was 7. I dont want to be wearing the enormo t-shirt again! I don't want to see girls younger than me "ironically" wearing clothes my friend's mother's wore when they were addled, desperate housewives with huge ash-coloured hair back in the 80's. I don't want it!

If I see that girl again I'm going to whip her out of those clothes and burn them right there in front of her

That'll learn 'em.